This week’s three hour RAW starts with music and pyro.
Miz’s music and he comes out looking dapper in suit and tie, trying to put on a slight VKM strut. Video of Miz taken down by Riley’s case, then Stone Cold Steve Austin, then Cena with an AA for three, but the GM overturned the win. Miz says tonight’s WWE All*Star night. RAW is the flagship show of the WWE he won in the main event last week, so he must be the all time WWE All*Star! Then again that’s been obvious for a very long time. You would have to be a stupid, ignorant, ungrateful moron not to realize that! In other words you’d have to be Riley. Riley is a fraud. At CP he’ll expose Riley more than a Tweet from Anthony Weiner! Before he does that, he’ll teach Riley one last lesson. ‘What?’ A lesson to show what it takes to be a true Superstar! ‘What?’ Miz isn’t impressed and asked if they’re going to start that already? ‘What?’ That was cool in 2001, by the way. He’ll teach Riley one last lesson. ‘What?’ He wants Riley closely as Miz calls out Stone Cold Steve Austin. Why is it every time he looks up there’s Rock, Austin, someone from the Attitude Era stepping up and trying steal his thunder! Austin owes him an apology! Miz’s show will not get started until –
Glass breaking and out comes Austin! He’s all riled up and ready to go. Into the ring and poses for the fans who go wild. All four corners, then Austin circles Miz. Austin says he was waiting backstage while Miz was flapping his gums. Austin goes off about Miz calling him out. That’s all he’s got? That stupid tie, suit, hair, handkerchief? That’s it? Austin tells that little mealy mouth punk. The night after WM he listened to Miz run his mouth, talk trash to see first hand what this kid has. Is he as good as they say, what kind of skills? He gives Miz credit, silver tongued devil. He wanted a fight, then turned ass and fled to the back. He let Miz talk then, but not now. If Miz can’t understand, then read his lips, keep his shut while Austin’s are moving.
Austin says damn right he’ll get his respect. He’s there to run this damn show! Be the GM. He has an itchy trigger finger. If he has to he’ll stun Miz’s ass. Good old Riley got in the ring and got is hiss kicked. But he’ll give the kid credit because he – “Austin” chants. He thanks the fans for it! Riley showed he’s got guts. He can talk, give an ass whipping and take one. He won’t blow smoke up his ass, but might be a bigger Superstar than Miz someday. Miz asked if he can talk yet. Austin said no. then Austin asked for a ‘hell yeah’ if he should stun Miz’s ass! Of course he got it.
Miz and Riley don’t get along? They’re facing this Sunday. Will he beat Riley? Will Riley beat Miz? Back and forth a half dozen times. Then Austin says Miz looks like he doesn’t know if he should crap or wind his watch. Austin grabs Miz’s tie, right under his chin. He gives Miz credit for all he’s done. Since he and Riley need counseling. He’ll set them up with someone who can talk and listen. He’s setting them up in the ring with Rowdy Roddy Piper in Piper’s Pit. Austin said he’s sorry if he ruined his tie. He should take his ass out of there right now. Miz, glaring at the back of Austin’s head heads slowly for the ropes. Austin tells Miz not to be a hero. Austin says that’s the best decision Miz ever made. He’ll see him in Piper’s Pit.
This is the WWE. All*Stars or whatever the hell they want to call it! He’s making the laws, the matches and for the sumbitches back there –
He’s cut off by Alberto in a white 2009 Porshe 911 Turbo. Alberto gets out of the car in ring gear, plus his white scarf as Ricardo announces him from the stage. On the stage ADR is all smiles. He introduces himself to Austin, but he already knows that! He wanted to make this official. The greatest Superstar of his time, passing the torch to the greatest Superstar of all time, ADR. The rumors running all day are that he wants to see him. He must want to see true greatness up close. It is his destiny –
Austin says he wants to talk his destiny? He aint much of a fortune teller, no psychic abilities, doesn’t have a crystal ball, but he sees an ass whooping in ADR’s future. Since he injured Big Show with his car he thinks he’s big, bad, tough and very smart. There’s a sumbitch back there who wants to beat ADR’s face in. Tonight he’ll have his chance, you little mealy mouthed punk! The first match of the night right now. This is your opponent right here. Austin leaves the ring and fire hits!
– Commercial
WWE Slam Of The Week – Big Show pissed, then ADR slapped him. Big Show gave chase but was run down by Ricardo. Kane is livid and distraught. Big Show’s knee was trashed!
Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo
Kane backed ADR into a corner and took it to him with blows. Snap mare, then a low drop kick to ADR for two. Facebuster on Kane for two. Cole says that the damage Big Show inflicted on ADR’s car is worth over $20,000. King is livid about Cole saying Big Show did that damage. ADR on Kane’s arm with blows. Alberto on Kane’s left arm. Kane muscles ADR out of the ring. ADR side slam to ADR for two. Kane up top, but ADR dodges him. ADR locks on hi arm breaker. Kane makes it to the bottom rope, but ADR won’t release the hold.
Winner – Kane via DQ
ADR will not let go of Kane. Big Show’s music and he runs down the ramp! Full out run, then on ADR in the ring Ricardo onto Big Show. Big Show attacks Ricardo as ADR flees. Ricardo doesn’t move as Big Show continues to beat Ricardo. Kane tries to pull Big Show off, but keeps getting pushed away. Kane has to lock a choke hold on Big Show to get him free of Ricardo. Austin to the stage and says he knows ADR can still hear him. If he’s still running, then he should run to DC because he’ll be facing Big Show at CP. If you think getting hit by a car is bad, you should feel what it’s like being hit by Big Show’s fist and that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so. Ricardo is still unmoving as Big Show walks up the ramp and raises a fist. The fans cheer.
– Commercial
Video of Ricardo being stretchered out during the break.
Sin Cara & Ezekiel Jackson & Bryan Danielson vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase & Wade Barrett
Cody and the heels stand outside the ring as Sin Cara runs to the ring and dives in. Turns out the other two faces were ringside too.
Sin Cara on Cody with blows, then a simply beautiful springboard back elbow. Bryan tags in and on Cody. Cody stomps Bryan, then tags Ted in. Bryan runs the ropes, then into a drop kick from Ted for two. Wade tags in and hits Bryan as Ted holds him. Bryan whipped then pinned for two. Chinlock on Bryan in the center of the ring. Axe handle blows to Wade’s gut. Bryan runs the ropes right into a back kicks from Wade. Wade slams Bryan to the mat for two. Cheap blow to Sin Cara. Bryan kicked in the head but is able to tag Zeke in.
Shoulder blocks to Wade, then Wade is whipped and splashed. Slams to Wade, three of them. Wade up in the rack, but Ted and Cody saves him. Zeke clotheslines them from the ring. Then Zeke picks up Bryan and drops him over the top onto Ted and Cody. Zeke tags in Sin Cara.
Slingshot cross body on Wade for three!
Winners – Wade, Bryan & Sin Cara
The faces celebrate in the ring.
– Commercial
Hornswoggle in the ring shooting t-shirts to the fans. King wants Cole to be hit in the face to improve it. R-Truth’s truth and he comes out on mic. Horns is shooting shirts to the Little Jimmies and the Little Jennies! That’s a big ball of fun! He likes having fun! Can he try that? It looks like fun! Horns has nothing to be afraid of. Don’t be scared of him, he’s a good R-Truth. R-Truth into the ring with a happily deranged smile on his face. This Sunday he’s going to beat Cena and become the new WWE Champion. Cena won’t stop him from getting what he wants on Sunday, neither will Horns. Horns points the gun at R-Truth and hits him in the gut with a shirt. Horns tries to flee the ring, but is caught. R-Truth lets horns free, then kicks Horns in the face. R-Truth then goes back to that mean face and talking to himself.
Austin on the tron talks to R-Truth and calls him a silly sumbitch. Austin tells R-Truth to pick on someone his own size? Someone like this? The camera pans to JoMo smiling. Tonight R-Truth faces JoMo before Cena on Sunday and that’s the bottom line. R-Truth grabs the mic and says JoMo will have to get some of this and he stomps on Horns. “Jerry!” chants, but R-Truth leaves the ring. King in to check on Horns and make sure he’s okay as R-Truth backs up the ramp.
– Commercial
Video of R-Truth taking Horns down in the ring. A couple refs carried Horns out while he holds his throat.
Santino vs. Sheamus
Santino kicks at Sheamus’ face. Sheamus backs off, then drops Santino. Santino stomped in a corner then choked in the ropes. Forearms to Santino’s chest. Sheamus out on the apron kicks Santino back into the ring. Sheamus pins, but only gets two. Neck hold on Santino. Santino up and tries to get free, but a forearm to the his back drops him. Santino into a corner face first, but he’s pissed and comes back with blows. Drop toe hold, then he goes for a hip toss and can’t hit it. A short clothesline to Santino and he gets Santino up for the Celtic cross, but he gets free and hits his favorite hip toss. Santino sets up for the cobra. Santino ducks Sheamus, then comes back with the cobra. Santino pins, but gets a knee to the head. Brogue kick, then Sheamus locks on a new submission similar to the cloverleaf. Santino quickly taps out.
Winner – Sheamus
Video of the end of the match. Sheamus poses on the apron.
Video preview of USA’s newest show ‘Suits’.
Backstage is heading for the ring.
– Commercial
Video showing the morphing relationship between Orton and Christian, right up to two weeks ago when Christian turned heel and nailed Orton in the head with his own Title belt. over and over they show Christian’s heel turn.
Orton out to the ring. Orton nods to the fans. Right up to them, nods to the fans, but no touching. Video of Christian nailing Orton in the head with the belt again last week. In the ring with a mic Orton has no volume, but doesn’t know it. He gets another mic and says that Live TV is awesome! His name is Randy Orton. He hasn’t been gone long, it feels damn good to be back on Monday night RAW. You’d think he’d feel satisfied. He’s World Heavyweight Champion, he has the opportunity to cause Christian an immense amount of pain at CP. But he’s not satisfied. He’s not satisfied because he knows Christian is in the building. He wants Christian to the ring. He promises not to hurt Christian. He won’t RKO Christian, won’t punch him in the skull. All he wants to do is talk. But no Christian. Okay Christian, he was lying. First chance Orton gets, he’ll hurt him. Be a man and come out, don’t make Orton find him.
Backstage Christian says from the tron that it’s not fun to be embarrassed in the ring. He doesn’t understand why Orton’s always so angry. He was about born into the WWE. He was born with a silver spoon. His entire career was handed to him on a silver platter. Christian has had to scratch and claw his way in. Something these people don’t know about. Why no poll the audience. Who wants to see Christian come out and face Orton right now? The fans go wild. They must have confused him with someone who cares about what they want.
Orton says it’s too bad Edge isn’t here. Edge could carry Christian to the ring. He’s carried Christian for 17 years, what’s one more day? Christian is pissed.
Christian says Orton wants him out there that bad? Fine. Christian starts walking with the camera in front of him, backing up the whole time. Christian passes the cameraman, Orton is ready in the ring. Christian’s music hits and he comes out to the stage, then down the ramp. Well, to the bottom of the ramp, barely. Then Christian starts to back up the ramp. Security comes out to black Orton who’s heading for Christian. Orton punches at security, getting past some of them.
Ding-Ding! Cole to his feet and the podium. And I quote, “While I have placed Stone Cold Steve Austin in charge of tonight’s show, I feel I need to intervene here. Last Friday night on Smackdown. Randy, you were hit square in the skull but the World Heavyweight Championship, for the second week in a row. You and I both know you have a concussion. All indications are that you will compete Sunday, but not tonight. I cannot let you face Christian or anyone else tonight. If you were seriously injured, I would be held liable. Therefore I suggest you leave the arena right now and plan on defending your World Heavyweight Champion on Sunday.”
Orton start to try to get to Christian again.
Ding-Ding! “Randy, if you don’t comply, I will have no alternative than to strip you of the World Heavyweight Champion.”
This makes Christian grin, then taunt Orton. This makes Orton hang his head and start up the ramp past security. He jumps at Christian who flees quickly, but in the end Orton leaves.
Austin is up on the tron. He tells Christian he just got out of an ass whoopin’ from Orton, but uhha! You aint going to ride into the sunset this easily. The master of the 619, Rey Mysterio!
– Commercial
Christian vs. Rey Mysterio
Booker out to the ring to join King and Cole! Booker is all excited to be out there. Rey out in red and white.
Christian kicks at Rey then slams him to the mat. Rey runs the ropes, then on Christian with blows, but Christian right back on Rey into a corner. Rey whipped but floats over. Christian gets Rey up, but Rey wiggles out to head scissors and sends Christian to 619 territory. But Christian was in the wrong spot and the move is botched as he eats bottom rope. Up to the second rope, then up as Christian nails Rey with a clothesline. Christian pins for one as Christian checks his ear for blood. Head hold on Rey in the center of the ring. Rey comes back with kicks, but then sent over the top rope in a bad way.
– Commercial
Rey to the bottom buckle with his face. Christian chokes Rey in a corner. The ref calls for a bell.
Winner – Rey via DQ
Christian didn’t respond to the ref’s five count. Christian slams Rey to the mat, then climbs. Rey up and fights back. Rey uses his head to nail Christian with a back body drop! Rey, still up top as Punk runs down the ramp. Rey flies out onto Punk, but then the rest of Nexus is out to pull Punk to his feet. Christian grabs Rey, but he’s then set up for the 619. Rey knocks McGillicutty off the apron, then Otunga off another side. Rey then sets Christian up for 619 on the opposite side of the ring. Ryan catches Rey’s legs, grabs him and slams him back first to the post. Rey with a backbreaker, then rolled back into the ring. Christian stares at Rey from a corner as Punk and Nexus back up the ramp smiling. Christian continues to stare at Rey. Christian pulls Rey to his feet and hits the kill switch. Christian backs away as Rey sells his beating.
Backstage Austin is on the phone as Vickie comes in Dolph, behind her. EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! Austin isn’t happy as he was on the phone. She’s all smiles and shakes Austin’s hand. She wants Austin to make Dolph a US Championship Match against Kofi at CP. Dolph can have his match if he drops Vickie as his manager, consultant, whatever. Vickie says he’s her project! Austin says he came in as the Ringmaster with Ted DiBiase as his manager. He’s a HOFer! Vickie’s not in the HOF category yet! His point is, does he want this match? Is he going to depend in her in every match? Dolph dropped Vickie, she’s in tears. Austin said he was messing with them, he made the match earlier today. Austin leaves with a smile as Vickie is about to plotz!
– Commercial
R-Truth vs. John Morrison
R-Truth out to the ring, talking to himself the whole way, looking at the fans like they’re all out to get him. Video of R-Truth’s attack on JoMo last month. R-Truth standing in the ring, JoMo’s music plays, but he doesn’t show. R-Truth’s confused. Finally his music hits, but no JoMo. R-Truth calls for a mic and asks JoMo what’s up? On the tron he was acting like Billy Bad. Where he’s from if you act bad, you better be bad! If JoMo scared, say so! R-Truth scared of himself. If JoMo wants to fight, come fight! If JoMo won’t come to him, how about he bring the fight to JoMo. You going to run your mouth like your bad, come get some! R-Truth headed backstage to find JoMo. The announcers don’t know what JoMo playing at.
Backstage R-Truth on mic is looking for JoMo and a fight. He finds something. “Looks like Little Jimmies got Johnnie! Let’s go check it out!” JoMo is down and holding his neck. The refs aren’t happy as they don’t want R-Truth there. The Little Jimmies won’t get to see the match now. At least JoMo can say he got got by the future WWE Champion. R-Truth stomps off as they get back on JoMo. R-Truth grabs a huge anvil case and slams into JoMo, squashing him between it and the wall. The ref back on JoMo, call for paramedics. R-Truth says, “Take that Little Jimmies!”
– Commercial
Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston
Video of Dolph and how he came back to the WWE, reinvented and with Vickie as his manager. Dolph is in the ring, waiting. Evan out, but waits outside the ring for Kofi to come bouncing out to join him.
Dolph rushes Kofi and lays on a side headlock. Shoulder block to Kofi. Dolph runs the rope in a big way and feeds Dolph a back elbow. Kofi slammed into the heel corner and a cheap shot from Swagger. Swagger tags in and they double team. Front facelock on Kofi. He gets free and slammed to the mat for two. Kofi backed into the heel corner, then face first off another corner. Kofi whipped and hits the mat. Swagger comes to do his bouncing splash but Kofi gets his feet up. Kofi is able to tag out.
Head scissors, then Evan rides Swagger down. drop kick to Dolph who rushes in. High knee then Evan rolls Swagger up for three. Swagger free, then an ankle lock on Evan. Evan gets free, sending Swagger flying to the face corner. The ref is working to get Dolph from the ring and doesn’t see Kofi hit TIP on Swagger from the apron. Evan climbs, then nails Swagger with air Bourne for three.
Winners – Kofi & Evan
Booker says TV doesn’t give that move justice, you have to see it live. Video recap of Evan’s finisher. Kofi and Evan celebrate in the ring, all riled up!
Cole congratulates the Rock for winning the Award for ‘Biggest Ass Kicker’ at the Guy’s Choice Awards. From his role in F5.
Piper’s Pit is up next!
– Commercial
WWE Rewind – 2 weeks ago Cole went off on Riley in the ring until Riley about took Cole apart. Miz attacked from behind, but Riley got the upper hand and beat Miz down until he fled through the crowd.
Justin announces Rowdy Roddy Piper! Piper comes out to his normal bagpipped music, wearing almost all black, including his kilt, but his sporan is white with black trim. He’s thrilled to be there. He wants to commemorate one moment, in that spot, WM #2. He dropped Mr. T like a bad habit! It was a lot of fun, not at the time. Then Miz’s music hits and he comes strutting out. Really? Really? Really? Really? They’re going to do this? Favorite moments here? Four years from now when they tear it down and replace it with nothing. He looks to the future, that’s why when people say he’s a modern day Roddy Piper. Piper cuts him off and tells Miz there will never be another Piper. The words for mis is he’s a Roddy Piper wannabe! Miz tells Piper to trust him, he’s nothing like Piper. For one thing, he’s been WWE Champ. And he won the main event at WM. While they’re still at it. His episodes of Real World were far more entertaining than anything in They Live. So chew some bubble gum on that Piper!
Piper walks across the ring thinking. He turns and says, the Real World! Never saw it. He was busy living in the real world. Since Miz wants to talk future? What about Sunday? What about the man who has demolished Miz twice and will to it again. Give it up for Alex Riley! Riley out with his collar open, no tie to complete his suit. Piper shakes Riley’s hand and tells Riley it’s nice to see him. The fans start chanting something that sounds like “Let’s go Riley!”, but I’m not quite sure.
Piper says Riley put up with a lot of abuse from Miz. When was it enough? Riley says he didn’t want it this way. Miz took him under his wing, gave him a job. He wasn’t a friend and used him to be WWE champion. Then Riley realized that he shouldn’t help him, why not beat him? Piper gets between them and tells them to save it for Sunday. Piper says when Miz lost the Title Riley gained self respect.
Miz says this is priceless. The guy who abused Cowboy Bob for years is talking about self respect. Riley didn’t dump Miz, Miz fired him! Piper says that Miz thinks he can beat Riley? Miz says he’s the most must see Superstar. Piper says Miz is afraid of Riley. King Kong Bundy, Mean Gene, Andre in the bottom of a well, who do you save first?
Miz is very confused. Piper says every time Miz thinks he has all the answers, Piper changes the questions. (Piper seems to be quickly losing his voice!) Piper says that Riley will change the questions on Sunday and it will be aweeeeeeesome! Miz asks how much Piper wants to bet that he destroys Riley at CP. Riley says that won’t happen and Roddy can beat Miz right now. Really? Really? They think Roddy can beat him right now? Really? Really? Really? Miz is putting $1,000 up right now and he’ll wear the suit. Put up or shut up. “Piper!” chants. Piper says the guy who just won WMXXVII against the guy who was in WM1! He’s really going to get his butt kicked. He’s sick of getting his butt kicked! How about $5,000?
Austin on the tron says it sounds good to him. If they want to see Hot Rod take on Miz tonight, gimme a hell yeah! ‘Hell yeah!’ They’re each putting up $5,000 and the Special Guest Ref is Riley! Miz really doesn’t like this.
Be A Star promo.
– Commercial
They show a promo of the WWE All*Stars game. Cole says the best matches haven’t happened yet. But one’s about to happen right now.
Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Miz – Special Guest Ref – Alex Riley
Riley has put on a ref shirt over his oxford, Piper removed his kilt and jacket, Miz has removed his jacket and tie. Booker says he’s a bit worried about Piper in this. He didn’t come to fight.
Riley and Miz argue, so Piper attacks from behind. Miz goes off on Piper, but Piper back with an eye poke. Sleeper on Miz, but he backs Piper into a corner. Miz on Piper in a corner and Riley pulls Miz off. Miz attacks Riley. Blows back and forth, so Piper goes behind Miz and rolls him up for three that Riley happily counts.
Winner – Piper!
Miz to his feet so Riley throws him from the ring. Riley raises Piper’s hand in victory as Miz has a complete meltdown at Riley as he backs up the ramp. Miz on the stage seething. Video of Piper rolling Miz up as Cole about has a complete meltdown about how Riley and Piper screwed Miz.
– Commercial
Video of the Bellas and Kelly at The Price Is right for a WWE themed Showcase.
Nikki Bella & Brie Bella & Fox & Melina & Maryse & Tamina & Rosa vs. Kelly & Eve & Gail Kim & Natalya & Beth & Kaitlyn & AJ
The Bellas lead Maryse, Melina, Fox, Tamina, Rosa to the ring. All the heels are in black. Kelly leads Eve, Beth, Kim, Natalya, Kaitlyn and AJ out and to the ring.
Kelly and Brie are going to start but Rosa is tagged in. Kelly rides Rosa down screaming. A slap to Rosa’s ass, then Kelly screams as she slams Rosa’s face over and over into the top buckle padding. Rosa then gets a stink-face. Running bulldog to Rosa and Kelly is about to pin but the heels run in. They all fight and are dumped from the ring. Kelly hits her finisher and pins Rosa for three.
Winners – Kelly & face Divas
Eve grabs a mic as the rest celebrate in the ring. Last night the Tony Awards were in NY, so they need to give a Diva tribute to Broadway. They lined up and did a Rockettes kick line and looked decent except poor tiny AJ on the end who couldn’t get on the right kick.
Video recap of Austin announcing Andy as the winner of Tough Enough last week. Andy then was slapped by VKM, then stunned by Austin.
Backstage Austin is with Andy and give him a beer. They drink, but then Punk is there. Austin asks Punk what’s up? Punk asks Andy and how many of his friends won Tough Enough? Austin says he has this and Andy leaves. Austin asks Punk if he wants a beer and gets a ‘what?’ from Punk. He asks again a couple times, then moves onto a shot of whiskey, vodka, anything? Austin says Punk’s wasting his time coming into his office and talking this ‘what’ crap to him. What does Punk want? Punk says it’s annoying, isn’t it. He asks Austin if he can say the alphabet backwards. Austin says he can kicks Punk’s ass backward! Punk thanks him for making this match for him with Cena. This will be big and will change a lot. Austin says no Nexus ringside. Austin says he has things to do, an announcement for the world, right now. Austin tells him that he’ll see him later and calls him punk, but in a very derogatory way.
– Commercial
Austin to the ring on his ATV! Cole isn’t happy, King is thrilled! Austin did a couple laps around the ring, then grabbed a mic before heading to the ring. He says it’s been a hell of a Monday night RAW. It’s been great to come back and appreciates the hospitality. His final word out here is –
Ding-Ding! Cole isn’t happy about this. King, laughter in his voice tells Cole to go read it! Cole asks for attention and is very scared. Austin is getting sick of this GM interrupting his show. And I quote, “Stone Cold Steve Austin you did a fair job in my absence this week. But all good things come to an end. Just to make sure everyone is aware, I will be back next week on Monday night RAW.”
Austin says he can look at his watch and there’s a little more time as he’s GM. Next week he might not be the GM, but it will be a three hour show. Next week is about the power of the people. They’re making all the matches, stipulations and the rules. The power is in their hands next week. How does the GM think about that?
Ding-Ding! Austin asks if that’s c9ole pushing that button? And I quote, “Steve that –
Ding-Ding! Austin asked again if Cole pushed that button? Last week was an ass whoopin’, he’s got something for Cole’s ass! Cole yells that it’s not him!
Ding-Ding!
Austin leaves the ring as Cole yells it’s not him and flees through timekeeping and out through the crowd. Austin makes sure Cole’s gone, then –
Ding-Ding! Ding-Ding! Ding-Ding! Ding-Ding! Ding-Ding! Okay, there was 12 of them. Austin heads to the laptop, grabs the computer, slams it on the announce table, then flips the podium. Austin grabs the laptop, then calls for a couple of beers before heading to the ring again. He’s broken the hinge on the laptop as he brings it to the ramp. He throws it down, then pours beer on it. Austin then goes and gets on his ATV! Austin runs over the laptop, pieces flying. Austin then backs over the laptop and runs it over one more time. Then Austin runs back down the ramp and into the ring. He keeps calling for more beers. The screen goes black a couple times. More and more beer, then Austin grabs a mic. He tells them it’s good to be back and that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so! Austin leaves up the ramp with an arm full of beers and grabs the laptop. He goes up the ramp, then throws it off the ride of the ramp on his way out.
King talks about Cole talking so much and putting him to sleep and he’s been having dreams about Obama. Booker says he is too. This ‘dream’ is Christian asking the president about winning, but then having to run again just five day later, is that fair? Then Cody asks if Congress can enact a law that no American citizen can leave their home without a paper bag over their hideously ugly heads. Then Sheamus asks Obama, calling him ‘fella’ about his birth certificate saying he was born in Cleveland, and he run for president. Khali stands, can’t think of anything, so just yells. Horns stands on chair, then talks gibberish to Obama. Obama says those are aspirations we support. King ‘wakes’ Booker and they’re both laughing.
Cena versus Punk is next.
– Commercial
CM Punk vs. John Cena
Punk out to the ring and sits on the mat waiting for Cena to come to the ring. Cena says something while on stage, but I can’t understand what he’s saying.
Punk behind Cena, lock on a waist lock. Dueling chants of, “Let’s go Cena!” from the women and children, and “CM Punk!” from the men! Cena muscles free and Punk looks annoyed. They both soak up the chants and they grow much louder! Side headlock on Cena, then a takeover as King bellows into his mic that it’s deafening in the arena. Punk keeps the hold on Cena on the mat. The chants quit, then grow a bit again. Cena up to his feet and pushes out. Shoulder block to Cena! Punk runs the ropes, Cena drops under, then an almost graceful leapfrog over Punk, but then got caught up for a GTS. Cena reverses out and gets Punk up for an AA. Punk gets free.
They stop, then circle and Punk on Cena. Punk manages to get Cena hung up top as the chants grow loud again. Punk stomps Cena, then kicks him from the ring.
– Commercial
Abdominal stretch on Cena and Punk holds it tight. Punk twists Cena’s ear while he’s in the hold. Cena muscles out, but Punk kicks Cena away and he lands on the floor. Punk then flies out over the top onto Cena! Punk back into the ring as Cena lolls on the mat. Punk up top and flies out onto Cena again! Punk waves his hand in front of his face, then rolls Cena into the ring. Punk pins cent for two. Punk then locks his legs around Cena’s waist. Cena swats Punk’s hand away from his ears. The dueling chants start to grow again. Punk manages to lock his hands under Cena’s chin, but Cena somehow gets free.
Cena is able to lock on the STF, but Punk to the ropes quickly. Cena breaks before five. Cena then runs into a semi-botched drop kick. Punk pins for two. Cena whipped, hits the corner chest first, then hits the mat. Punk gets two from it. Cena choked on the second rope, then Punk lands on him. Punk again pins for two. Punk working Cena over in a corner, then whips Cena. Cena steps out, so Punk’s running high knee looks semi-botched. Punk tries to hit a running bulldog, but Cena pushes him off. Both men down.
Both to their feet. Cena ducks a clothesline, then Punk ducks Cena’s shoulder block. Cena ends up rolling outside again. The ref starts to count Cena out. At 8 Cena is back in. Punk stomps Cena as soon as he enters. Snap mare on Cena for two. The dueling chants start up again. The fans are HOT! Punk on the apron. He uses the top rope to help fling him into the ring, but Cena moves. Both down again.
Both up and Cena ducks a clothesline, but Super Cena hits two shoulder blocks, then slams Punk to the mat. Slowly Cena up and King tells Cole to say it, ‘vintage’ John Cena. But then R-Truth is on mic in the audience, talking about all the Little Jimmies. One there, and one over there. They’re everywhere. He tells a Little Jimmies that he’ll give him a big sip of water for his hat. While R-Truth was ranting, Punk gets Cena up and hits the GTS on Cena for three.
Winner – Punk
R-Truth into the ring, wearing Little Jimmies’ hat. Cena struggles to his feet and takes the water bottle to the head. Face buster to Cena. R-Truth leaves the ring and grabs Cena’s strap. “Little Jimmies” chants. R-Truth says this Sunday he’ll beat Cena for the WWE Championship and that’s the truth. R-Truth poses over Cena with the strap held high. Cena’s arms barely start moving as R-Truth leaves with Cena’s belt. Video of R-Truth in the stands with Little Jimmie, then the bottle water to Cena’s head. R-Truth leaves the ring holding the belt high, then clutched to his chest, looking around as if everyone’s out to get him.
Biggest pop
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Piper
Biggest heat
Miz
R-Truth
Most mixed
Cena
Punk